Timothy Egan has had it with undecided voters:
Youre an undecided voter. Your time is up. The rest of us are sick of pretending to care about you, saying nice things to you, doing your damn laundry.
Decide, O.K.? When the choice was between Scrooge McDuck and the Kenyan Socialist, you couldnt make up your mind. Now that you know its between two Harvard know-it-alls, with clear, divergent views of government, youre waiting for what? The long-lost Mormon tablets to reappear? Donald Trump to reveal what his phantom investigators found among the birth records in Hawaii?
You’re not Solomon, carefully weighing the choices. You’re a ditherer. You probably panic at “paper or plastic” in the supermarket, backing up the checkout line. We know all about you, because the campaigns have spent millions studying you, probing you, stuffing you with those little sausage things. Your every emotion is wired and registered.